Friday 14 October 2016

Division of the "Autism Community".

I have to be honest here; the vast majority of parents aggravate me in ways that can't be healthy. By the same token, as do some of the autistic adults I've "met" online. Our shared diagnosis does not automatically enamour me to my fellow autists and, as much as I'd hoped to finally find a group of people I could connect with and find some mutual understanding, it simply isn't working out that way.

As a parent/step-parent of children on the spectrum, ranging from a non-verbal and... what's the politically correct term here? Severe?* Profound?* So flappy we have to make sure he's got air space lest he take off?* 6 year old to a highly talkative, very sociable and far less obviously affected 7 year old, with an echolalic 4 year old and speech/language delayed 5 year old somewhere in the middle, you'd assume finding parents in similar situations, with whom I could talk autism with, would be easy.

*Please note, these labels are simply a jesting/less serious way of pointing out the difference in development between the boys; L has a range of co-morbid conditions that would place him in the "severest" category in terms of medical diagnosis. We tend to steer away from functioning labels but in this instance, I was trying to make it clear that we experience the many variants of an autistic spectrum disorder, not just one "subset". As it stands, L needs the most additional help to cope in our world and is as yet unable to communicate basic needs to unfamiliar caregivers or more specific needs to familiar caregivers. Our other boys have different additional conditions that make them all extremely unique; not to mention the fact that their personalities are all different to begin with. Of course, they're all just as autistic as each other (or myself!). 

Though there are a plethora of us (parents/caregivers) out there, on the boards and social media groups, almost all of the interactions I see between folk on there quite literally leave me with the urge to scream as loud and as long as physically possible. Thankfully for my family and neighbour's sake I've taken a major step back from the online world, barring use for research purposes of course.

From those who believe their child is a diseased burden who requires daily bleach enemas, to those who believe their child is a misunderstood genius who's behaviours should be accepted no matter how alarming, distressing or aggressive they are to other people (which includes others with additional needs) and every problem in between, no matter how bloody pedantic (I'm looking at you, identity
-first vs person-first - how about we all just go with whatever the autistic person in question would prefer?), it's a minefield of delusion out there. Add in the parents who use their children as Like-Bait, entering either their child or themselves into beauty contests and using autism to gain sympathy and attention, and you're left with very little actual advice and support going on in these so called support groups. 


 Considering my diagnosis highlights the difference in thought, specifically my "black and white thinking", compared to that of "typical" folk, it amazes me how so many allegedly "typical" people seem to see the world and it's many conundrums in an all or nothing, black and white way.

Of course there's only one cause for autism, and it's *insert cause of the month*.

 Of course all autistic people should be called autistic (or vice versa, each person who has autism should be informing people they have autism). 


Of course my child should never be corrected for his behaviours (or vice versa, of course my child should be constantly corrected, fuck self esteem). 


Of course the reason my child didn't receive an invite to the party is because he's autistic and people just don't understand!


It couldn't be the multitude of other perfectly reasonable explanations, could it? It couldn't be a simple error in memory, or a lost invitation, or a limit on children, or simply that the child in question doesn't particularly get on with your child? Not because he's autistic, but because that's life. Not everyone can get on with everyone. Some people clash - children are NOT exempt from this. Who needs an entire class of friends, anyway? How many people from your early school years are you still close with? But I digress...

That's just a small taste of the frenzy of strong opinion and rigid thought occurring daily within the caregiver groups. Now let's move on to the (I must agree, far more rightfully outraged and generally more in the know) group, the autistic adults and young people (or those with autism, for those who like that) of the internet.

I feel some shame and sadness admitting this, as I'm overly aware I'm talking about people who most consider to have a disability, but a large percentage of this group have also set off triggers in my ever-ready to implode mind. As a parent, I understand the toll having any child attempt to rule your life, let alone one with various additional needs and the strongest will in the world to boot, can do to a person. As a daughter, I understand my parents were, at times, put through a living hell raising me. They had no answers or doctors to tell them what was different, just noncommittal ideas such as mood disorders or anxiety. They did the best they could, they made mistakes and, as a teenager, I held onto those mistakes. As a parent/young adult, I've let (most of them) go.

As a parent, particularly as a parent on the spectrum, I've made awful, lifetime of guilt inducing mistakes. Lots of them. People often ask me whether being autistic gives me a better handle on parenting autistic children. My answer is almost always the same; it means I understand where their behaviours come from and how they're feeling (most of the time) as I have the same mindset and many similar behaviours. My actual reaction, though? I always aim to be fair, calm and understanding. More often than I can bear, my reaction is stern, snappy or hysterical. Every day is a new day, a day I try to stay calm because that's what they need, and what I need. To that end, I understand when a parent of a child, whether said child is on the spectrum or not, has to vent to another person about their delightful wee beastie breaking the family dog or smearing on the TV again. I even understand when that parent shouts at the child, not because I agree the child should be shouted at or punished per se, but because it's an impossible ask to expect a human being to be calm and reasonable 24/7 in the face of a 5 year old expert in *psychological warfare.

*Note, this is intended as a joke; anyone seriously considering their 5 year old is a master manipulator or difficult for the sake of it probably needs to take a step outside, breathe some fresh air and screw that head back on properly ;) behaviour is communication, as they say! 


So when I read posts from largely childless autistic people chastising parents and caregivers for needing space to vent about their life (considering most of those with this line of thinking find the child screaming their frustrations out acceptable, is it not the parents right to vent their emotions too?), or for admitting they lost it/punished unfairly, when all the experiences the accusers have are being the child, not the person with all the responsibility in the world on your shoulders, it angers me. I absolutely understand that it's so hard to fully comprehend feelings and situations that you personally haven't experienced yet for many people on the spectrum, so I get it. I get why you can't always see the struggle on this side, but it doesn't make it any easier to take.

As much as I love hearing the views and thoughts of my fellow autists, and as much as I agree with most of their points, how some of us (myself included) speak to others is creating just as much division as the "NT" caregivers' accusations that our ability to speak/communicate online makes our thoughts and ideas invalid and not pertinent to their "low functioning" child. When we expect each and every person to accept and love us for who we are, we seem to forget that the person who was rude or aggressive to us this morning may have their own battles, be it ASD or mental health or other neurological condition causing personality changes or aggressive behaviour. They could simply be anaemic and their body and mind worn out! But, instead of taking all this into account, we make the assumption that their reaction, or lack of reaction, is directly related to our neurological differences or behaviours, become flustered, righteous and angry at the lack of understanding and accommodations in the world, and begin using NT as some form of insult. Don't even get me started on those of us who feel we're better than others, that being born this way makes a person somehow superior to the regular masses - narcissism is an extremely unattractive trait and it's one of the ugliest mindsets I've come across in the community. Thankfully it seems to be a very small minority, and isn't limited to those on the spectrum; as mentioned above, some parents also seem to have an unhealthy idealist view of their child's neurology.

Believe me when I say, I do not tar all members of either group with the same brush, hence the use of terms like "most/many people". It's an opinion and therefore it's heavily influenced by my personal experiences. It is not fact, nor am I personally blaming any one person or group. I wish I could put out a broadcast to the entire community and find a way to explain that helps every single person understand each other, and each other's personal battles of the mind, each person's trigger points, each person's reasoning. I wish I could be more of what I seek; balanced and fair-minded and able.

This post has been quite an emotionally charged piece of writing and, as such, I rushed myself and neglected to mention the positives when I first wrote it out and pressed publish. I've edited to add the following:

In real life I've been lucky enough to find a number of wonderful people who've supported and advised me in times of need. None are perfect but their help and general presence in my life have been invaluable and I like to hope I've been there for them in the same way when they've needed it.

I'm certain there are many other people like this out there, somewhere. I believe, perhaps, they're more the silent type. Perhaps they avoid the social side of the internet, or limit themselves to reading and rarely responding. Perhaps they tried and gave up, seeing how large the problem is. Perhaps they're just getting along, living their lives quietly and shaking their heads whenever they happen across situations like those I see online. Perhaps there's a secret underground group filled with agreeable, balanced people and, one day, when I stop having temper tantrums over strangers on the internet, I'll get a letter with one of those neat wax seals and instructions on how to find the meet. Or perhaps I'm simply destined to alienate and be alienated.
Image courtesy of The Sum of All Affections


Revision of Division of the Autism Community (love that title):

Now well into 2017, I've recently been given pause for thought and have decided to revise some earlier statements; some because they were based on a perspective twisted by a negative outlook at the time of writing and some simply because the terms were deemed inappropriate or offensive by some members of the community and I respect their feelings enough to alter the text. I know it's hard to convey tone at the best of times for some of us; the internet only adds yet another barrier. I'd like to thank a fellow advocate for pointing out some of my more obvious f*ck ups and highlighting areas that he deemed triggering and insensitive, albeit not necessarily in the kindest of manners but as honest as ever.

I originally worded things quite poorly, particularly in terms of how large the scale of the problem I'm talking about is. At the time, my negative thinking/outlook lead to some very concrete, black and white thoughts. I tried to ease it off by using the words "many" and "majority" but in fact, it's a minority I'm speaking of. The large majority of autistic people I've met in real life have been fantastic people; same goes for the online community. That being said, some of the LOUDEST in the online community can be somewhat aggressive if not cruel in their deliveries and have left people (including fellow autists, some of whom have spoken up since I first shared this post) devastated in the process.

Now, I know bluntness is an issue for many (myself included) but I believe that with mindfulness and self awareness comes better prospectives for anyone hoping to gain listeners and share their knowledge and understanding, along with personal satisfaction that you've done everything within your power to do the right thing, regardless of the outcome. I believe that the forceful nature of certain individuals (who may be a minority but are many the numbers add together) are doing the cause more harm than good in some instances.

We all have bad days, we're all grasping onto our last spoons and some days we have none spare. It's understandable and it's almost expected for you to lose your sh*t once in a while; whether you're on the spectrum or not. We all have our limit. Sometimes we may go weeks or months stuck in the same fog; snappy replies and emotional reactivity levels at an all time high for continuous periods. Sometimes it might come out of nowhere and surprise you. It'll happen; if it hasn't already it's bound to and if not, you're a lucky sod :)

When that happens, we can only hope that the people around us (virtually or in reality) already know from past experience that we're not the sum of our off days or our, at times, difficult behaviour. We rely on the idea that the positive energy we bring most of the time, the support we offer and the good we do is enough to keep people from walking away when the going gets tough. As harsh as it is, a hand that continuously gets bitten will eventually stop feeding us, so we know in our hearts that people need those good days to balance out the damage inflicted; perhaps it's untrue and  perhaps it isn't, but it's what we believe (or at least, it's what runs through my head as I agonise over whether they'll forgive me, this time; I certainly can't speak for others but like to assume I'm not alone in this painful but logical process).

The problems arise when it's nothing but anger, threats and insults being unleashed. When there's only darkness and harsh truths and no remorse let alone compassion or understanding. If that shoe fits but makes you uncomfortable, then perhaps it's time to take it off. If it's inapplicable, if you know you bring light to peoples lives in some way, any way, if you try to keep your mind open as and when possible, then you know you're trying and you know these words don't apply to you.

The second thing I'd like to address in this revision is the wording around my description of young children. As was pointed out in the comments section, both the terms "feral wee beastie" and "5 year old expert in psychological warfare" were pointed out as being insensitive in nature. I understand that the term feral may have very negative meaning to some, so I'm more than happy to swap it out for something with less controversy surrounding it. However, I'd like to take this opportunity to explain it's a term I've used for as long as I can remember; a term of endearment I use for children of all neurotypes and that has absolutely nothing to do with autism or a lack thereof. While on the subject, I'd like to clear up that the Feral One's nickname has nothing to do with his neurology and everything to do with his personality, interests and our family's personal sense of humour. As a young infant he wore animal print cloth nappies, had long curls and an amber necklace, communicated with animals long before he did with us and spoke in a series of meows. He also climbed everything, danced like a hippie and liked to chew chicken off the bone. He's one of four autistic children and the only one with that nickname. See where I'm going?

There was one aspect I simply cannot apologise for or put across in a less controversial manner: a shared diagnosis is not solely enough to form a friendship with, in most cases. The people I've formed friendships with, online and in real life, are all incredibly unique individuals; some with a similar mindset to my own, many others with differing opinions and beliefs. Some share one or two interests with me, some are friends through circumstance, proximity and experience. They're a beautiful mix of neurodiversity; some deemed typical, some diagnosed ASD, some with other conditions or a mix of many. Some extroverted, some introverted; some a mix of both depending on the day. Some politically minded, some absorbed in nature and deeply spiritual, some who paint their feelings and some who bury them. It's my own expectations here that are the issue; I expected to feel at home and less bizarre. Instead I discovered that I'm simply different no matter what community I'm a part of. That's hardly the community's fault, but it's my experience nonetheless.

Finally, I'd like to encourage feedback of all kind; constructive criticism is always welcomed over criticism alone but I will never silence a commenter unless the comment contains explicit or vulgar content. Transparency and freedom of thought is paramount, in my personal view; this blog is a sum of experiences and I welcome all contributions, regardless of whether we agree on the topic at hand. Thank you as ever to my readers and I apologise if I caused you any personal distress with my poor wording. 

15 comments:

  1. Well put and balanced observations. Good stuff. Keep writing!!!

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    1. Thanks for reading, and for taking the time to comment! :)

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  2. I run into this too, and it's terribly frustrating, on both sides just as you said. I was an "extremely/profoundly" autistic child myself, and back then I was diagnosed as profoundly mentally retarded. Now, I present, much of the time as HFA (even though "levels" are no more helpful than some of the older terms) when I can. I was really lucky that my Mom was also on the spectrum and was able to reach me, and teach me, and I've come far in almost 53 years.

    Anyway, I like your post, thank you.

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    1. I'm glad to hear I'm not going crazy and other's see it too! Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to comment. Your Mom sounds like a wonderful person; it's so good to hear of autistic people being accepted and loved for who they are by parents who truly understand.

      Considering your earlier diagnosis, it seems like you've overcome some serious hurdles; I bet your Mom was incredibly proud of you, as am I! It's difficult to explain to people who just don't seem to understand: 100% of autistic adults were autistic children once. We should never assume to know other people's life experiences, and certainly shouldn't judge based on those assumptions. I'm sorry to hear you've had to deal with the same frustrations, even if it makes me feel a little less alone in the online world! :)

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  3. I read this and was deeply offended by what was said
    for me until EVERYONE that's non autistics and us autistics embrace and accept our differences then nothing will ever change its hard enough in an non autistic society already without having an autistic person have a go people are different and every autistic is different that's what been a human is all this sort of writing does is make it harder for autistics to live life I am graham and have Asperger syndrome and therefore on the spectrum of autism I'm sorry but this blog as really disappointed me

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    1. I'm sorry to hear you were disappointed. I felt that I was very clear that this was not aimed at every autistic person, or every parent of an autistic child. I specifically speak of those who force opinions down other's throats, on both sides. I purposefully used words such as "many" instead of "all".

      Hello, I'm Pixie and I'm autistic. These are my opinions, and you are perfectly entitled to yours. I hope that you can come back sometime, read this post again without negativity and see it for what it is; a plea for us all to communicate better instead of shouting each other down.

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  4. Ableist stuff, so insidiously rejecting all at a once of every autistic advocacy, so vicious towards every note of in the way autistics respond to oppression, so undermining to the of a whole movement. Who is Pixie? A plant or a traitor?
    John Greally

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  5. Your blog deleted part of what I said, so I repeat:
    Ableist stuff, so insidiously rejecting all at a once of every genuine autistic advocacy, so vicious towards every note of authenticity in the way autistics respond to oppression, so undermining to the legitimacy of a whole movement. Who is Pixie? A plant or a traitor?
    John Greally

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    1. I'm unsure why blogger.com removed the words "genuine", "authenticity" and "legitimacy".

      I'm neither of those things, John. We've come across each other online in the past and haven't had any issues. My view is that of an autistic person who feels pushed out and vulnerable to attack from fellow autistic people based on the idea that I don't necessarily share the same ideals as you. Funnily, after stating I felt alienated from the community (and was far more scathing of the extremists on the parental side, clearly favouring the autistic perspective but preferring to avoid extremes of any kind) you further pushed me away with name calling and accusations.

      I'm sad to say that your words hurt me; I'd like to say otherwise but I'll always be honest, here and in real life. They sent me into a spiral of negativity that also affected many other people and caused a lot of emotional pain. I strongly wish that my emotional regulation skills were better but, unfortunately, that's a part of me that's always been a weakness and likely always will. It's part and parcel of who I am; that's pretty clear from my previous blog posts (which I assume you've read; unless you simply made a snap decision based on one post).

      I'm calmer now, but I'm still deeply saddened that you can't look past the at times controversial wording (simply designed to keep the reader motivated to continue reading and add spark to my writing) and see the true message; that we need to come together as a community, lest we marginalise MORE people and yet again, the autistic person loses out.

      How can you not see my pain? My anguish at the drama and constant fighting and the ridiculously childish behaviour of parents using their children as likebait and martyring themselves, again with their children as the stars of the show? How can you not see I'm on your side? I just want them to listen. People WILL NOT LISTEN if we shout them down; they won't listen if we refuse to admit our own flaws and apologise when we've genuinely crossed the line (if we're capable of doing so at the time; I know it can be hard). It's not crazy to say that sometimes, we take it too far. Just like I'm not crazy saying that sometimes, parents are disgustingly abusive to autistic adults.

      I'd like you to reply at some point, either here or perhaps as a PM on Facebook (I believe we've spoken via PM in the past; though I may be mistaken - regardless, I've seen your posts regularly and have liked and agreed with many; I'm easily contactable through Facebook if you'd prefer to continue this conversation in private; I'd like you to reply so I can further understand your distress/dislike and perhaps learn from it. The word ableist is obviously hurtful and offensive but it's not particularly helpful without any context. I've re-read my post at least 50 times since reading your comment and I'm still struggling to see exactly what's triggered you. I can't be expected to like or get on with people based on neurological condition alone; a shared diagnosis does not necessarily a friendship make. So I figure it's not that part. Is it the assumption that autistic people have the capacity to control their reactions when faced with stressful situations? I suppose I can see how you may have gleaned that, but please understand that's not what I meant to imply. I mean, for those who are able, a bit of compassion and understanding can make the entire debate turn into a discussion and then, perhaps, acceptance and real support for all.

      Please don't hesitate to contact me; I have an open mind and am willing to listen to whatever you have to say; I only ask that you please be mindful of the fact I'm fairly emotionally fragile at the moment and would truly appreciate you articulating yourself without making assumptions about my character (or existence).

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    2. The article was and will be used as an anti-autistic parent-apologist blast.

      We need good critiques, rational mature observations, and injections of realism. Like any body of people. But not from such an immature source, unreflected source, wrong source Pixie.

      AUTISTO-MISANTHROPY
      " the vast majority of ... aggravate me ... as do many of the autistic adults I've "met" online. "
      " Our shared diagnosis does nothing to enamour me to my fellow "autists" "
      " feral wee beastie "
      " 5 year old expert in psychological warfare "

      ABLEIST FUNCTIONING LABELS WORSENED
      " Severe? Profound? "

      MENTAL ILL-HEALTH ABLEISM TOWARDS NEURODIVERSITY
      " a minefield of delusion "
      " narcissism is an extremely unattractive trait and it's one of the ugliest mindsets I've come across in the community "

      DISGUSTING ONE-SIDED HYPOCRISY
      " More often than I can bear, my reaction is stern, snappy or hysterical "
      (.............. but no-one else may be that way ON A SINGLE POST ANYWHERE)
      " I wish I could be more of what I seek; balanced and fair-minded and able. "
      " I am ... destined to alienate "

      As an immature writer, you go on to claim equal rights for a parent to scream and vent their emotions to an autistic child having to suffer ... HER. Scream and vent and punish and maybe strike AT the autistic child too.

      " considering most of those with this line of thinking find the child screaming their frustrations out acceptable, is it not the parents right to vent their emotions too?), or for admitting they lost it/punished unfairly, when all the experiences the accusers have are being the child, not the person with all the responsibility in the world on your shoulders, it angers me. "

      And then there is the immaturity revealed in the aftermath, after the damage has already been done. I count six apologies so far from you. SIX FOR ONE ARTICLE... AND COUNTING.

      " I rushed myself and neglected to mention the positives when I first wrote it out and pressed publish "

      ~ ʎllɐǝɹƃ uɥoɾ

      [Not a pseudonym
      Not a closet case
      Not a 'bob-each-way' fake advocate
      Not an infiltrator
      Not an anti-autistic parental apologist
      Not a late arriver to the scene with immaturity to spare
      Not ableist
      Not slandering/slurring the autistic world
      Autistic, father of autistic
      Daily assisting parents come to terms with Autism in a reasoned way over 14 years
      Not calling-out most online autistics those appalling things she said or implied]

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    3. I'm afraid I still can't see the problem with the large majority of texts you've highlighted. I sort of see the offence taken at feral wee beastie but that's not necessarily aimed at autistic children, it's a term of endearment I have *always* used for children of all neurotypes. "Oh, what're you up to now y'feral wee beastie?" - I do, however, apologise if the term is deemed offensive in your neck of the woods.

      As you've noted, I tend to apologise. Too much and at the wrong times. I even went to type out an apology for apologising too much. I'll try to avoid it; it's an ongoing issue.

      I'm not sure why my pointing out I can't get behind the narcissistic mindset of some; I have some strengths but they're matched with weaknesses and I don't feel like I'm better or part of a "thing" - I'm just autistic. I just... struggle with some things. It's delusional to see yourself as better than others regardless of neurotype - that might just be my overly northern British upbringing speaking, though.

      Also struggling to understand why being honest about my lack of friendship within the community is wrong - I've met some fantastic people who I now see as friends but it's hit and miss; much like the typical community. I've had about as much luck finding personality matches in both communities. Me being on the spectrum doesn't just... automatically make me able to tolerate people any better. Or behaviours or people, rather. It just defines my core areas of weakness, really. Social communication, check. Social imagination, check. Social interaction, check. If anything, it's harder to find friendships within the autistic community because everyone's so very different, with different strengths and areas of interest.

      I don't think we'll ever see eye to eye. For one, you seem intent on making me feel small. I'm not interested in tearing you apart despite not particularly enjoying our interactions as of late. I've seen how hard you work as an advocate. I just believe my voice deserves to be heard, too. Just because we disagree on the method in delivery (and it seems, in part, the message) doesn't mean either are right or wrong. These are experiences, perspectives and opinions we're talking about here - not facts.

      Also, Pixie isn't a pseudonym :) I'm quite happy to bat for both teams, infiltrate all over the show, plan on continuing my immature writing and slandering behaviours I see as damaging to my family, myself and other autistic people for as long as I'm able.

      Also, you're absolutely entitled to be stern, snappy and hysterical. I tend to avoid coming online when I'm in that mood as I've found that's the best way to avoid harming others with my poor regulation skills. I have no problem with negative feedback; accusations of treachery or being a figment of someones imagination, however, aren't as welcomed. I will *never* silence you, John. You're welcome to say whatever you like, wherever you like. Your voice deserves to be heard as much as mine! Hence why I've accepted and kept the comments as they are; no censorship here. If people read what you've put and wish to agree, that's their right too. Thank you for reading and responding :)

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    4. Okay, John; I had a good hard think and went over the post with a fine toothed comb. I've attempted to address and re-word some of the issues you pointed out as well as explain the reasoning behind leaving others untouched. A revision was indeed needed; particularly the implication that the problem was in the majority rather than an extremely loud and aggressive minority. Seems the brain tends to cling onto and count the negatives more than it does the positives.

      If there's any more feedback you'd like to give following the revision, the comments are always open.

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  6. I liked this blog. A lot, in fact. As a shouty Autistic who is often pedantic and dogmatic on certain subjects, I found it to ring true on many points. But then I'm capable of being as honest with myself as I try to be with others, even if I am a bit superfluously hyperbolic from time to time.

    Had I written this, it would have been more scathing, more judgemental and considerably less sympathetic all round, not to mention littered with sesquipedalian evidence of my own pomposity, so thank you from me for handling this subject (in my opinion) well. In a community comprised entirely of individuals, with plenty of fights to go round, what saddens me the most is this idea that if someone isn't prepared to waste spoons transitioning from their own fight to come out all guns blazing in public support of another's, no matter how misguided or harmful their approaches or unethical their methods may be, that this makes them somehow deserving of being made a target for all sorts of stupidity that does nothing but harm to (a) the community itself and its image in the wider world, and (b) people working as hard as they are able on something they believe in. I'm heartily sick of Ego Advocacy and the damage caused by the petty-minded, reactionary and often dishonest meanness that goes along with it.

    And for the record? Personally I think "So flappy we have to make sure he's got air space lest he take off." is just fine. I had to learn to love it and learn to laugh at it in order to accept myself, and see nothing wrong with a bit of wry humour.

    Just one (no doubt soon to be proven unpopular) Autistic opinion...

    Bill A.

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    1. Huzzah! Someone who doesn't want my guts for garters :)

      I love your ability to be honest about your character; it's refreshing and relieving all in one. We're all a little flappy in this house! The youngest does "flash fingers" instead which is just as sweet. I'm a ticcer and a pacer; any additional stress/excitement and I'm up on my feet, round and round the kitchen, or along walls if my environment suits. Getting sidetracked thinking of stimming through the ages, now; I'll never get off this laptop if I let myself wonder!

      Quite right though; humour keeps us going. My eldest piped up just today "sometimes, I say something's great when I don't actually mean it. That's called sarcasm. I totally get sarcasm" - though said the last part in a sarcastic tone, completely nonplussed when I started laughing. He's great, though. Tells people exactly how it is. We took him to London for his birthday and he overheard a Ukranian gentleman chatting to my Mum about a fire alarm going off at the hotel we stayed in. The Ukranian gentleman made some kind of joke about spotting ladies in their underwear and then J rolls up in his Heelys (he was skating around seemingly unaware and in a world of his own the whole time) and says "that's pretty inappropriate, considering there's children here" and just rolls away casually. Guy was gobsmacked then laughed and agreed with him. Brilliant kid!

      Couldn't agree more with your unpopular Autistic opinion; I've spent my life as a minority, makes sense I'm still one in the Autistic community!

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  7. Great article. I hate the way both sides shout at each other. Nothing gets resolved that way. Autistics aren't perfect. NT's aren;'t perfect. Yes, fine shout at people who give their children bleach enemas or hit them or talk about them as being burdens. But I have seen autistic adults as well as NT ones being aggressive, bullying and verbally abusive in situations where a calmer, more reasoned approach would be far more likely to change people's minds.

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