Sports Day, Stimming and Sensory Overload

As you may have already guessed from the title, I attended the Soulful One's Sports Day on Friday - definitely a step in the right direction after my non-attendance last year. Please, don't get me wrong; I'd love nothing more than to be cheering alongside every other parent for all his events, but some things are, or seem, insurmountable some days - and sometimes the little victories are the ones that mean the most. 

So, after a hectic morning spent bouncing around the house like a loose firework, the Space Cowboy and I dropped off the small ones at their respective classes and joined the other parents on the school field.

At first, I began to panic as I thought I may not recognise him among the hundreds of children on the field and that we'd miss his first race, but, as usual, SC came to the rescue and spotted him almost straight away - with the Soulful One spotting us a few moments later, breaking away from his team and running over to give me a hug. I'm so, so glad I didn't miss this. 

The first race was a difficult one for him - it involved skipping (rope) back and forth from point A to B, then (making things even more difficult) he was to pass the rope to the child behind him, then take it again when their run was over. Both his gross motor skills and fine motor skills are fairly weak, so he struggled along for most of his turns - almost getting it on his last run. The important thing here is: He kept trying, despite the child he was swapping rope with telling him repeatedly to "just run instead", he tried his bloody hardest and I'm not ashamed to say I was the most vocal parent there in that moment :) I'm so incredibly proud of him!

He continued to try his very best in the next race, and the next, but by that point he was tiring out fast and started to lose concentration, wandering outside the team and spinning in circles, aimlessly walking and, once it was time to change activity again, the chewing started up too. I can't say I blamed him - the noise, bright sun light, oodles of people both miniature and full size stood in groups everywhere you looked and constant change of activity was wearing on me too, and watching my little guy start to lose himself kicked off emotional reactions too. 

By the next race, he was struggling to follow direction and had started chewing and fidgeting near his mouth - something he does when he's tired or stressed. After a bit of confusion, he got back in line for the next activity and took a shot throwing a bean at hoops a foot or so ahead of him - he missed on his first go, but on his second managed to get it in and bagged his team two points! He was so made up, he came for another hug!

Quick photo-op with two of my favourite boys.


Unfortunately we had to leave during his next race as his younger brother had speech therapy half way through the activities (I believe they call that "sod's law") and even more unfortunately, his concentration and behaviour disintegrated even further after we left, leading to refusals, panic and meltdowns. Other parents may have watched him, some sadly with understanding, some in shock and some, quite likely, muttering how "they'd straighten him out" and other such things. Some may have looked away. Those reactions aren't really important, but they're a regular occurrence when out in public with the Soulful One, so they're notable nonetheless. They're not important because I know without a doubt (and he does too) that he tried his best in both the activities themselves and in keeping himself composed for so long in such a new, stressful environment. He's my little champion. 

By the time I picked him up at hometime, he'd settled down into a calmer mood, was fairly bright and happy if a little worn out. We tried to keep the rest of the afternoon and evening as calm as possible - quite a difficult feat with five children aged 6 and under bouncing around the living room for three and a half hours. He had fun playing with the boys but by 6 o'clock he was covering his ears to block out the noise of the Space Cowboy's game.

I took him to one side and asked if he'd like to go into the spare room for some alone time with the tablet and he nodded quietly; so, after getting changed into his favourite PJs,  that's how he spent the rest of his Friday evening:

For about 3 hours, until we finally went in to ask him to get into bed for a night-time movie night with the Feral One (they recently began sharing their bedroom again after almost a year apart - needless to say they're overjoyed :)), he sat crouched in the same position playing his Moshi Monsters game in silence. It may seem odd to some, but this really is the best way we've found to help him de-stress after a taxing day. He needs solitude and the activities on his tablet keep his mind and hands occupied while he's so tense, which helps reduce the amount of anxious lip chewing/sleeve chewing that tend to occur when he sits and worries with nothing else to think about except the things that've gone wrong that day, or what could go wrong tomorrow. It helps him zone out of the world that causes him so much aggravation and sensory hell. Bottom line - it helps.

Here he is with his little brother before bed, mildly irritated with me because I'm insisting on taking a picture while he's trying to watch King of the Railway:

A very quiet Easter...

As we're not a particularly religious family, Easter is all about the chocolate.

And because we tend to stick to what's routine, the boys stayed out at their Nan's last night, as they do every other weekend. No sense in changing things up, I'll see them for an hour before bedtime; in fact this set up has given me chance to clean the house before setting up an Easter egg hunt for when they return tonight. Much fun will be concentrated into this upcoming hour and shall follow through to tomorrow - bank holidays are so useful sometimes!

In between considering making a start on dinner, sporadic periods of obsessive cleaning and smoking, I've decided to use this free time to write a formal introduction of our family. Although I'll try my best to keep each section as brief as possible, I do have a habit of rambling on, so apologies in advance for any tenuous paragraphs of drivel I may spout out before clicking Publish. 

First, there's the adults - me (Pix) and my partner (the Space Cowboy) are 23 and 26 years of age, respectively. Our relationship reflects out situation; unique. He's the thread that holds our family together. As my carer, he helps me with daily living, organises each one of us, keeps us safe and, as the only one of us able to drive, he's in charge of all transport and frequently referred to as our taxi service :) 

Without him, there would be no blog, as there would be no internet, as I wouldn't have paid aforementioned internet bill. In fact, I'd have paid approximately 50% of the bills, if that, and would probably be a dribbling mess in a barren, cold living room right now. With my parent's both too unwell to care for me, it fell on him rather early on in our relationship to take over. Not many men have the self control, perseverance or inner strength it takes to do what he does for us. 

He's a fabulous person in more ways than just his role of course, in fact he's one of the brightest, funniest people I know - and one of the most stubborn too :) His interests are based mainly on space/time/matter and aero-mechanics - most of which goes straight over my head. He has three children from a previous relationship, I'll say more about them in the next few paragraphs. He's a wonderful father, both to his own children and mine. And there's nothing more attractive than a great Dad :)

As for me, I'm best described as being both half and double my age. I have a number of interests/passions, including but not limited to behavioural science and psychology - specifically in cases where nature goes wrong, animal studies (specifically elephants, wolves, degus and all felines), neurology and the TV series Supernatural. I'm also very excited when I'm around rainbow colours (in the order red/pink, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple), glitter, water and books. At present, I'm awaiting formal diagnosis for Autism Spectrum Disorder. I was misdiagnosed as a child with a mood disorder and have been on every pill they could think of - not one of them made any positive difference in my life, and only recently have I reconnected with mental health enough for them to get an idea of how my mind works. I'm an avid reader of both fiction and non-fiction and occasionally sketch/paint. My favourite creations are my two children, the Soulful One (6) and Bo (3), both blue eyed, brown haired ninjas. 

The Soulful One is, as his name suggests, a rather soulful child. He's always been a little bit eccentric in his ways (and his speech) but not much was thought of it until he reached school age; the pressure and change it brought about was both unexpected and explosive. His volatile reaction was most likely a result of us (his family) adapting to him so subtly and slowly that we didn't even realise it was happening; his life before school was one of routine - almost every day was spent with me, doing the same things, with the same people - with hindsight, I can see that the abrupt change to this monotonous lifestyle would of course cause upset, in fact I can imagine it would affect even the most well balanced child in some way. If we knew then, what we know now, this reaction could have been predicted and adjustments/accommodations made accordingly, but alas they weren't. 

After a period of time, he settled slightly; but almost every time he seemed to adjust to this new routine, something would happen and things would go right back to where they were, or worse, escalate. This has continued to present day. He'll seem to be coping okay and then he'll have weeks of meltdowns, hiding under tables, screaming bloody murder and more recently he's resorted to physical violence when he's touched during an anxiety attack. Unfortunately so far he's yet to be formally assessed so has no diagnosis. His school feel unable to put adequate support in place until they know exactly what they're dealing with, so for now he's stuck in limbo. 

Aside from his at times frightening outbursts, he's an incredibly sweet, sensitive boy. His love and generosity for his family and friends knows no bounds; he would and has gone without so everyone else gets a share. He's incredibly stubborn and believes he knows more than any adult does (being fair, he probably knows more than most!) and has an awesome imagination. He wants to be a scientist when he's an adult like his hero, Flint Lockwood (Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs) and his favourite book is his encyclopaedia of science. He's famous for his deep and, at times, sombre quotes about life, death and everything in between. 

His younger brother, Bo, is a whirling dervish, to put it bluntly. He's almost never still, enjoys bouncing on/off/onto/into things and very tight cuddles. He's usually pretending to be an animal of some sort, is persistently scruffy and is often referral to as "the Feral One". His favourite things are his stuffed reindeer "Kittycat" and his Megabloks square, and he loves being tickled or "eaten" more than anything in the world. He has quite severe speech delay and mild - moderate delays in motor skills, understanding/cognitive development and social/emotional development. Like his brother he's bursting full of love, although he likes his space from other children sometimes :) who doesn't?

Last but certainly not least are my partner's children, the Genius (6), the Wanderer (4) and Wreck-it Ralph (3). They visit here once a week, though we're increasing to two/three visits slowly to let the younger two adjust. The Genius, as his name suggests, is an incredibly bright and well adjusted young man. He's a wonderful older brother and role model for his younger brothers (he also has a new baby brother at home, so he's got a lot of little faces looking up to him!). Although he can seem quiet when you first meet him, it's not long until he's blowing your mind with his vast collection of knowledge about animals, space, wrestling and just about anything else he's interested in. 

Middle child, the Wanderer, currently falls on the severe end of the autistic spectrum. As a result, his communication is limited and relies on a combination of gestures and guesswork from his caregivers, PECS and some sign language. Despite these difficulties, he's an incredibly pleasant and happy child - probably one of the happiest I know! He enjoys playing with his train set, is very adept with technology and makes some very interesting artwork - though it's been known to make a few noses twitch ;) he's a very expressive, endearing little boy; his smile makes my heart happy :)

Wreck-it Ralph, as you may have guessed, has a bit of a destructive side - though never with bad intent - he's simply a very active little guy! Like his brother, he's been diagnosed with autism. His speech, although delayed, is coming on in leaps and bounds - his chattering is both heart-warming and very persistent, and quite often hysterical (think speaking in tongues and you'll get what I mean). He's the type of child that's adorable even when he's grumpy - which tends to be whenever something's taken off him :p he's a beautiful little boy though, and like his brothers, he's a pleasure to have in our home.  

Yes, this may in fact be the most autistic family picture. Psst, told you he's still adorable. 

So that's us. Thanks for reading, and have a fabulous Easter!

It's a, nice day for a, white wedding.

So, we missed my sister's wedding. Half sister, and not what you'd call "close" but still, douche move. Couldn't be helped though - one spectacular meltdown right before we were due to leave made it so. There was no way of arriving on time by that point, in fact we were over an hour late by the time I was calm enough to try and leave the house. 

But, we made it to the reception! Which is almost as good, right?

We had some minor hiccups, an anxiety attack from me in the beginning (room packed full of people I don't know) and an eventual deterioration of Jack's behaviour (same reasons as above plus over excitement/over stimulation). But he pulled it back, and we managed to stay well into the night. By the time we got home it was a race to get to bed first - kids won, mainly because the youngest dozed off in the car. :p

They met their Uncle Robbie for the *first time ever!* and I met my beautiful niece Lexie. Over all a good day was had :)